Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Pre Engagement Engagement

I've decided I want to start a new fad. I'm calling it the "pre engagement engagement"
You get a simple ring- like a sterling silver ring from Tiffany's
(still nice, but no where near as pricey as a real engagement ring)
A few of my favorites
You get a fun, low key, proposal, one in the comfort of your own home. You don't go around telling your family and friends, its really just an occasion for the two of you.  
And the best part is that you get to start calling each other a new "title". I haven't come up with one yet. 
I have a good friend at school that is in the same boat as me: they have been dating quite a while, not ready for marriage, but hate calling him her "boyfriend" because it sounds like the couple is age 16 and just starting to hold hands in a dark movie theater. She tried the term "roommate" once, and got scolded for not being honest about her relationship status. We both agree "partner" is probably the most accurate term, but it has a different connotation than we actually mean.

Its the "hey we are still just 'dating' but we aren't looking for anyone else, so I'm cool wearing a ring that symbolizes the fact that I am taken" Its not a promise ring...I don't like that idea. Its not a promise to each other, its a willful proclamation to the world that you've got someone, and you're not scoping the market for a new one.

I'm not saying every couple needs to go through this step, no way. Its like how some chose to live together before marriage, and some don't. It isnt a step for everyone, but its there for atleast a few of us out there who are looking for a step between dating and holy-crap-I-just-signed-my-life-away.
I figure its a nice stepping stone for those who have been dating a long time, but aren't going to take that "big step" anytime soon. I think of it as being like the modern day, guy giving the girl his "pin" to wear. (atleast that is the understanding I have of "pinning", thanks to my childhood of being raised on musicals, including "Bye Bye Birdie")



I think that's a neat idea! I am in this phase as well. I have a boyfriend, but I think that title does a diservice to our relationship. We have spoken of marriage, but aren't ready for an engagement. Pre-engagement engagement... this might work.

Emily in Wonderland

This is actually what I did. Am I a trend setter?!

After Matt and I had been together for awhile, we knew we were going to get married, and I was doing some pre-planning-planning, but couldn't do anyting officially yet because his father had had a stroke, his mother was a mess, he was having trouble at work- it was a disaster and really bad timing to just up and get engaged. But this was "the one," we were in love, we were adults (late 20's) and knew there wasn't going to be any one else for us. So I got a ring to wear as a symbol of my commitment to him. It was white gold, with blue sapphires and diamonds set into the band. He worked in law enforcement, and had been offered a job with ATF so the blue was symbolic of him:

We both know how this story worked out, so when I found out the truth, I took my ring off and flung it across my house. It's probably behind a bookcase somewhere.

Emily in Wonderland
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Emily in Wonderland
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Emily in Wonderland

(Too many typos) I did usually refer to him as my partner as well, but in California, when you say "partner" everybody seems to assume you are gay. lol Not that that's an issue, except, I don't think our male partners wish to be thought of as women. lol So I would try to work it in there some other way, or sometimes I would say fiance. At the end I had actually already ordered the fabric for my wedding dress and gotten quotes from vendors, and I was not jumping the gun there. Ring or not we were engaged...

It was awful.


Hi, been reading your blog for awhile and totally relate to this post.
My man and I were in Greek life in undergrad, and it is a very big deal for a guy to lavaliere a girl (it's sorta like pinning). I was very surprised when my man actually did it to me, and now I have a part of him everywhere I go even if we live far apart.


I don't know if they have these but you could get a band you could eventually add a diamond to...just a thought! :) This is definitely a good idea though!

Meg @ Mr.C & Me

been there :) my now husband was my boyfriend for 7years before we got married and i was dyyying to get engaged just so i could finally stop saying boyfriend. i also tried partner for a bit but yea, everyone assumes you're gay. which i'm totally cool with but it can confuse people sometimes lol i did wear a ring he bought me back in high school so that sorta helped make me feel like i was giving off more committed vibes. :) we used to joke that we were engaged to be engaged!


YES. I need this. My boyfriend (ugh! such an annoying title!) and I were JUST discussing this and all the frustrations and assumptions involved in long-distance dating but not yet being engaged. Because we can't be married for another year and a half. So dooooo it. We're in. :)


Stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to show yous some blog luv! def enjoyed this post :) def think that is a great idea!! esp for couples who want to commit to getting married but do not want to get married for a little longer


Does he get a ring too? If it's just to say you're not looking, he should def have a ring too.

Also, enjoy what you have. I hate saying "husband." It's heavy and sounds like shackles. I wish I could still accurately refer to my spouse as my boyfriend. It sounds fun. And we're fun. We shouldn't have such awful, burdensome titles on us.

Another thing: "partner" can be misleading, so try using "pardner" instead.


A neat idea, you just have to be careful of people seeing the ring and assuming you got engaged but that they haven't found out yet.
Im sure people would understand tho once you explained, might just have to do it a few times at the start :p


An Irish claddagh ring might be the solution. If you wear the ring with the heart facing in (towards your heart) it shows you're in a committed relationship and in love. But it's unlikely to be confused with an engagement ring. I realise you posted this ages ago, but hope this helps!

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